{"title":"White Elephant Stocking Stuffers","description":"\u003cp\u003ePull my beard and call me Santa because I'm slinging naughty stocking stuffers all winter long. I don't even care if you've been naughty, nice, or something in between, I've got the perfect Christmas gifts for all the naughty boys and girls. I've got the elves pumping out so many stocking stuffers they've worked their little fingers down to the bones, it's honestly pretty brutal, and it's all for you. It's honest work and some elves gotta do it. Merry Christmas, assholes. \u003c\/p\u003e","products":[{"product_id":"tuxedo-swim-brief-v2","title":"The Butlers | Tuxedo Swim Brief","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003eIf you're a pool boy, you have found the holy grail with our tuxedo swim brief. Now Mrs. Peterson has no choice but to give you the mid-thigh elevator eyes while you scrub out the pool that hasn't been used since 'Nam. But it doesn't matter because she can't wait until 11:30 a.m. on Tuesday mornings, when the thunder from down under shows up for some early morning scrubbin'.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Private Label","offers":[{"title":"S","offer_id":42176585615,"sku":"10020-0811-S","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"M","offer_id":42176585679,"sku":"10020-0811-M","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"L","offer_id":42176585743,"sku":"10020-0811-L","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"XL","offer_id":42176585871,"sku":"10020-0811-XL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"2X","offer_id":42176585935,"sku":"10020-0811-2X","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0234\/5963\/files\/Butlers.png?v=1762199055"},{"product_id":"denim-swim-brief-v2","title":"The Daytona Dong Sarong | Denim Print Swim Brief","description":"\u003cmeta charset=\"utf-8\"\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003eThey say jorts are the above-ground pool of the shorts world. 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After getting kicked out of DeVry Online, he finished up his degree in Panama. Speaking no Spanish, he wrote a controversial dissertation titled, \"Donde Esta La Biblioteca?\" After blinding several people and being run out of Panama, he caught a boat back to the States. While in international waters, he was taken captive by pirates. It was at this time that he was selected to rate these stunning sunnies. We still haven't heard back. Thus the 9 out of 10.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Private Label","offers":[{"title":"Polarized","offer_id":31160183390277,"sku":"APL-CPGQ419-SG2081-OSFA","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0234\/5963\/products\/IMG_6004-Edit.jpg?v=1762201497"},{"product_id":"the-chattahoochee-daddy-denim-print-usa-swim-brief","title":"The Chattahoochee Daddy | USA Denim Print Swim Brief","description":"\u003cp\u003eWe're pulling from the optimal jean pool here for our newest pair of denim swim briefs. 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I love the stars!\" Then, I bet you were like, \"let me find the big dipper, I can always find that\" and upon exploration of this pair of constellation patterned Ball Hammock® underwear you realized that we truly should have called them the cumstellations instead. I won't say anything more besides the fact that wearing glow in the dark pouch underwear is way better than non-glow in the dark anything. 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I love the stars!\" Then, I bet you were like, \"let me find the big dipper, I can always find that\" and upon exploration of these constellation pattern cheeky undies you realized that we truly should have called them the cumstellations instead. I won't say anything more other than advise you to be mindful of who you purchase these for, or prepare for very awkward conversations. Oh ya, and these bad boys glow in the dark. 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