{"title":"White Elephant Stocking Stuffers","description":"\u003cp\u003ePull my beard and call me Santa because I'm slinging naughty stocking stuffers all winter long. I don't even care if you've been naughty, nice, or something in between, I've got the perfect Christmas gifts for all the naughty boys and girls. I've got the elves pumping out so many stocking stuffers they've worked their little fingers down to the bones, it's honestly pretty brutal, and it's all for you. It's honest work and some elves gotta do it. Merry Christmas, assholes. \u003c\/p\u003e","products":[{"product_id":"light-navy-blazer-with-usa-lining","title":"The Madison | American Flag Suit","description":"\u003cp\u003eHere's the deal. This American flag blazer is the best there is, plain and simple. I mean, when you wake up and put this on people will stare and be like damn, that flag lined blazer pisses excellence. But you already knew that. 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It's as if your plums mounted a cloud while riding Falcor from The Neverending Story. \u003cspan\u003eOr, in this case, the wings of a god-damn Eagle. 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Or just DM us for nudes and we'll sneak one out for ya. \u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Shinesty","offers":[{"title":"OSFA","offer_id":46988807567,"sku":"MPL-HHTYEAR-HT1234-OSFA","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0234\/5963\/files\/notapornsitePDP.jpg?v=1780959460"},{"product_id":"black-boxer-briefs","title":"The Threat Level Midnight | Black Ball Hammock® Pouch Underwear","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\"\u003eThe dark black boxers are meant for intense situations. Theoretically speaking, if you are a retired secret agent who gets a sudden call from the President of the United States because he needs you to keep your super-villain arch-nemesis from blowing up the NHL all-star game, you absolutely have to be swass free. 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If you answered yes to either of those questions then you’re an American icon who needs a signature look and we’re here to help. We designed The Big Jumper Stuntman Flight Suit exclusively for the confident risk taker who never goes back for a second wipe.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\" data-mce-style=\"font-weight: 400;\"\u003eThe flared leg openings are made to accomodate any sized tree trunks you may be hurling around, and you can rely on our exclusive \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\" data-mce-style=\"font-weight: 400;\"\u003eXXXtralong zipper to give paramedics the access they need after you “accidentally” break your fall in that conveniently placed box of rattlesnakes. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\" data-mce-style=\"font-weight: 400;\"\u003eThe people of the cities and towns will fall to their knees begging for the opportunity to witness you pull off one. last. jump.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Shinesty","offers":[{"title":"S","offer_id":31160185716805,"sku":"10060-0879-S","price":139.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"M","offer_id":31160185749573,"sku":"10060-0879-M","price":139.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L","offer_id":31160185782341,"sku":"10060-0879-L","price":139.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL","offer_id":31160185815109,"sku":"10060-0879-XL","price":139.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2X","offer_id":31160185847877,"sku":"10060-0879-2X","price":139.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0234\/5963\/products\/04_28USA_Hawaiians-3728.jpg?v=1762201502"},{"product_id":"dark-blue-ball-hammock-boxer-brief","title":"The Big Blue | Navy Ball Hammock® Pouch Underwear","description":"\u003cp\u003eYou might already have a pair of Ball Hammock® boxers that have something aggressive on the dong region, like an \u003ca href=\"https:\/\/shinesty.com\/products\/eagle-stars-stripes-boxers\" title=\"The Mascot Ball Hammocks\" target=\"_blank\"\u003eAmerican Eagle\u003c\/a\u003e, or maybe even a \u003ca href=\"https:\/\/shinesty.com\/products\/hot-dog-boxer-briefs\" title=\"Hot Dog Ball Hammocks\" target=\"_blank\"\u003ehot dog\u003c\/a\u003e. 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Without drawing too many comparisons between this print of underwear and where it sits, we'll just call this pair of elephant patterned Ball Hammock® with fly The \u003cmeta charset=\"utf-8\"\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003eJunk In The Trunk\u003c\/span\u003e in hopes that you can channel that BEE (Big Elephant Energy).\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Shinesty","offers":[{"title":"XS","offer_id":41044772880453,"sku":"10070-0212-XS","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S","offer_id":39260567797829,"sku":"10070-0212-S","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M","offer_id":39260567830597,"sku":"10070-0212-M","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L","offer_id":39260567863365,"sku":"10070-0212-L","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL","offer_id":39260567896133,"sku":"10070-0212-XL","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2X","offer_id":39260567928901,"sku":"10070-0212-2X","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"3X","offer_id":39876804018245,"sku":"10070-0212-3X","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"4X","offer_id":39876804051013,"sku":"10070-0212-4X","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"5X","offer_id":39876804083781,"sku":"10070-0212-5X","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0234\/5963\/files\/6545091297349.png?v=1762268989"},{"product_id":"the-50-shades-of-gonads-frost-grey-ball-hammock-pouch-underwear-w-fly","title":"The 50 Shades | Grey Ball Hammock® Pouch Underwear With Fly","description":"\u003cp class=\"p1\"\u003eOur designers analyzed 50 shades of grey to come up with this: the most desirable shade for your new Ball Hammocks. Feel free to buy 50 pairs if you'd like to have 50 50 shades of grey.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Shinesty","offers":[{"title":"XS","offer_id":41044789428293,"sku":"10070-0333-XS","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"S","offer_id":39260569829445,"sku":"10070-0333-S","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M","offer_id":39260569862213,"sku":"10070-0333-M","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L","offer_id":39260569894981,"sku":"10070-0333-L","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL","offer_id":39260569927749,"sku":"10070-0333-XL","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2X","offer_id":39260569960517,"sku":"10070-0333-2X","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"3X","offer_id":39876806934597,"sku":"10070-0333-3X","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"4X","offer_id":39876806967365,"sku":"10070-0333-4X","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"5X","offer_id":39876807000133,"sku":"10070-0333-5X","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0234\/5963\/files\/50shadesBXWFly.png?v=1762268990"},{"product_id":"the-big-bang-constellation-ball-hammock-pouch-underwear-w-fly","title":"The Big Bang | Glow In The Dark Constellation Ball Hammock® Pouch Underwear With Fly","description":"\u003cp\u003eI bet you first saw this pattern and said, \"aww! I love the stars!\" Then, I bet you were like, \"let me find the big dipper, I can always find that\" and upon exploration of these constellation pattern Ball Hammock® you realize why we call them The Big Bang. I won't say anything more besides the fact that wearing glow in the dark pouch underwear is way better than non-glow in the dark anything. Once again, be mindful of who you purchase these for, or prepare for very awkward conversations.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Shinesty","offers":[{"title":"XS","offer_id":41047966842949,"sku":"10070-0323-XS","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"S","offer_id":39260572745797,"sku":"10070-0323-S","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M","offer_id":39260572778565,"sku":"10070-0323-M","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L","offer_id":39260572811333,"sku":"10070-0323-L","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL","offer_id":39260572844101,"sku":"10070-0323-XL","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2X","offer_id":39260572876869,"sku":"10070-0323-2X","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"3X","offer_id":39876803493957,"sku":"10070-0323-3X","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"4X","offer_id":39876803526725,"sku":"10070-0323-4X","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"5X","offer_id":39876803559493,"sku":"10070-0323-5X","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0234\/5963\/files\/BigBangWFly_97ec1c43-2289-46e3-a385-56749d6d9465.png?v=1762268992"},{"product_id":"the-big-blue-dark-blue-ball-hammock-pouch-underwear-w-fly","title":"The Big Blue | Navy Ball Hammock® Pouch Underwear With Fly","description":"\u003cp\u003eYou might already have a pair of Ball Hammock® underwear that has something aggressive on the dong region, like an \u003ca href=\"https:\/\/shinesty.com\/products\/eagle-stars-stripes-boxers\" title=\"The Mascot Ball Hammocks\" target=\"_blank\"\u003eAmerican Eagle\u003c\/a\u003e, or maybe even a \u003ca href=\"https:\/\/shinesty.com\/products\/hot-dog-boxer-briefs\" title=\"Hot Dog Ball Hammocks\" target=\"_blank\"\u003ehot dog\u003c\/a\u003e. I think it might be time for you to give a nod to the classics with these dark blue solid Ball Hammock® boxers with fly. If you go home, and your mom does your laundry, she won't ask questions about these plain blue men's boxers. But if you show up with a wild animal on your peen, you've got some explaining to do.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Shinesty","offers":[{"title":"XS","offer_id":41048001642565,"sku":"10070-0343-XS","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"S","offer_id":39260573564997,"sku":"10070-0343-S","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M","offer_id":39260573597765,"sku":"10070-0343-M","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L","offer_id":39260573630533,"sku":"10070-0343-L","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL","offer_id":39260573663301,"sku":"10070-0343-XL","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2X","offer_id":39260573696069,"sku":"10070-0343-2X","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"3X","offer_id":39876807196741,"sku":"10070-0343-3X","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"4X","offer_id":39876807229509,"sku":"10070-0343-4X","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"5X","offer_id":39876807262277,"sku":"10070-0343-5X","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0234\/5963\/files\/BigBlue0343BXFly.png?v=1758037117"},{"product_id":"the-coney-islands-hot-dog-ball-hammock-pouch-underwear-w-fly","title":"The Coney Islands | Hot Dog Ball Hammock® Pouch Underwear With Fly","description":"\u003cp\u003eYou bring the wiener, we've got your bun. Introducing the Coney Islands, our all-new hot dog Ball Hammock® pouch underwear with fly.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWe called these babies the Coney Islands for one simple reason. Place you're wiener and tots in these hot dog print boxer briefs and you've got a tropical destination for your dong. That's because ultra soft MicroModal material keeps your buns dry so they don't get bbq'ed in the summer heat. And the bonafide ball pouch is like a bun for your boys, keeping 'em situated all day long. Whether you're packing a Ballpark frank or Polish sausage, these weiner-whispering pouch underwear make your bulge look so big, girls gonna want a hot dog REAL BAD. Just make sure you use the proper condom-ents....\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Shinesty","offers":[{"title":"XS","offer_id":41044769243205,"sku":"10070-0383-XS","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S","offer_id":39260582871109,"sku":"10070-0383-S","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M","offer_id":39260582903877,"sku":"10070-0383-M","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L","offer_id":39260582936645,"sku":"10070-0383-L","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL","offer_id":39260582969413,"sku":"10070-0383-XL","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2X","offer_id":39260583002181,"sku":"10070-0383-2X","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"3X","offer_id":39876801658949,"sku":"10070-0383-3X","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"4X","offer_id":39876801691717,"sku":"10070-0383-4X","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"5X","offer_id":39876801724485,"sku":"10070-0383-5X","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0234\/5963\/files\/6545104568389.png?v=1762268999"},{"product_id":"the-mascot-american-flag-ball-hammock-pouch-underwear-w-fly","title":"The Mascot | American Flag Ball Hammock® Pouch Underwear With Fly","description":"\u003cmeta charset=\"utf-8\"\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIntroducing The Mascot Ball Hammock® with fly, aka the eagle's nest, where your balls will experience an unprecedented level of comfort and support from here on out. It's as if your plums mounted a cloud while riding Falcor from The Neverending Story. \u003cspan\u003eOr, in this case, the wings of a god-damn Eagle. So check out our American Flag Ball Hammock® boxers, you will not be disappointed. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Shinesty","offers":[{"title":"XS","offer_id":41044789493829,"sku":"10070-0251-XS","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S","offer_id":39260651716677,"sku":"10070-0251-S","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M","offer_id":39260651782213,"sku":"10070-0251-M","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L","offer_id":39260651847749,"sku":"10070-0251-L","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL","offer_id":39260651913285,"sku":"10070-0251-XL","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2X","offer_id":39260651978821,"sku":"10070-0251-2X","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"3X","offer_id":39876807098437,"sku":"10070-0251-3X","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"4X","offer_id":39876807131205,"sku":"10070-0251-4X","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"5X","offer_id":39876807163973,"sku":"10070-0251-5X","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0234\/5963\/files\/Boxer_Fly_NO_CALL_OUT.png?v=1762269011"},{"product_id":"the-threat-level-midnights-black-ball-hammock-pouch-underwear-w-fly","title":"The Threat Level Midnight | Black Ball Hammock® Pouch Underwear With Fly","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400;\"\u003eThe dark black boxers are meant for intense situations. 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With ultra-soft MicroModal material creating a bonafide concealed carry pouch for your glock, saving the world will come hand in hand with a moisture-wicked, uber-comforted grundle.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Shinesty","offers":[{"title":"XS","offer_id":41044789395525,"sku":"10070-0050-XS","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"S","offer_id":39260685271109,"sku":"10070-0050-S","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M","offer_id":39260685303877,"sku":"10070-0050-M","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L","offer_id":39260685336645,"sku":"10070-0050-L","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL","offer_id":39260685369413,"sku":"10070-0050-XL","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2X","offer_id":39260685402181,"sku":"10070-0050-2X","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"3X","offer_id":39876806737989,"sku":"10070-0050-3X","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"4X","offer_id":39876806770757,"sku":"10070-0050-4X","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"5X","offer_id":39876806803525,"sku":"10070-0050-5X","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0234\/5963\/files\/TLM_BXF.png?v=1782919918"},{"product_id":"surprise-ball-hammock-pouch-underwear-with-fly","title":"The Mystery | Surprise Ball Hammock® Pouch Underwear With Fly","description":"\u003cdiv class=\"post_body_wrapper\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"post_body\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"body_text\"\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYou love surprise parties and the feeling of your stomach dropping on a roller coaster. Excitement is basically your middle name which makes this surprise Ball Hammock® boxer perfect for you. You live life on the edge, so why should your underwear be any different? Take a chance and get this mystery pair of boxers for $8 off the regular price and get ready for scrotal serenity. P.S. If you order multiple pairs of these mystery boxers, you might get the same pattern. Don’t yell at us if this happens. Just accept what the boxer fairies want for your nuts. \u003cmeta charset=\"utf-8\"\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003eAll mystery underwear sales are final.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Shinesty","offers":[{"title":"S","offer_id":39270332072005,"sku":"10070-0000-S","price":19.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M","offer_id":39270332104773,"sku":"10070-0000-M","price":19.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L","offer_id":39270332137541,"sku":"10070-0000-L","price":19.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL","offer_id":39270332170309,"sku":"10070-0000-XL","price":19.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2X","offer_id":39270332203077,"sku":"10070-0000-2X","price":19.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"3X","offer_id":40139196629061,"sku":"10070-0000-3X","price":19.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"4X","offer_id":40139196661829,"sku":"10070-0000-4X","price":19.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"5X","offer_id":40139196694597,"sku":"10070-0000-5X","price":19.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0234\/5963\/files\/Modal_Boxer_Brief.png?v=1791208791"},{"product_id":"constellation-modal-boyshort-underwear","title":"The Big Bang | Glow In The Dark Constellation Modal Boyshort Underwear","description":"\u003cp\u003eWe could have come up with countless names for these naughty star patterned boyshorts. 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I love the stars!\" Then, I bet you were like, \"let me find the big dipper, I can always find that\" and upon exploration of these constellation pattern long leg Ball Hammock® underwear you realized that we truly should have called them the cumstellations instead. I won't say anything more besides the fact that wearing glow in the dark pouch underwear is way better than non-glow in the dark anything. 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